Heybabeimwearingurpanties
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
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