I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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