i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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