i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
be right there i have to get my cape
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
