I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
