I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize