I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
