I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize