Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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