I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
