he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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