I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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