In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
