so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize