they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
