i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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