# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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