Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
