OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
