I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
