You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
