are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
