I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
