i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
