I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
