She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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