I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
