OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
