he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
