the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
