My sheets look like a crime scene.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
