I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I enjoy the company of your penis
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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