I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
