whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize