The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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