I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
