you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
