can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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