As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
