Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
