My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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