I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
