This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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