What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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