This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
