he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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