i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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