I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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