shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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