He uses pillows to masturbate.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
