woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
