If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
