God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
