What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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