Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I need a beard to bite.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
