Who did Billy Mays play for?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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