He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
