So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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