dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
