when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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