hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
