You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
why do cheetos always look like penises
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize