Christians are straight up FREAKS
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
