So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
as a side note pls kill me
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
