So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
