New invention idea: vibrating tampons
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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