Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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